I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
