I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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