20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
