Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
