there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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