so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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