I'm jealous of your bromance
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize