there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
