Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
