no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize