hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
