I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
do nipples grow back?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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