i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there was a trapeze. enough said
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
