mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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