One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
