i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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