tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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