take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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