dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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