why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
