Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The Olympian is in my bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize