Having a random hookup so left but love u
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
