Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
