i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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