Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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