508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
