I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
