Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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