Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
