why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
