The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
