Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
COCAINE IS GR8
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
