I wish my penis had an off switch
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
