we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
