k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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