i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
did i walk over a car last night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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