how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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