is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
