oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
