He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
