Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We're facebook friends in real life
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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