I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
false alarm, still single
Randomize