I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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