Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize