Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
