my being single is dangerous.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
