Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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