I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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