OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
