So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
