okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
