who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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