i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
