I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
