Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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