He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
