none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
