I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
