my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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