So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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