he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
