help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
