sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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